Would you Critique my cover letter please? The parts in [_____] are things I’m having issues with:?
Question by Pluto: Would you Critique my cover letter please? The parts in [_____] are things I’m having issues with:?
The parts in [____________] are things I’m having issues with. Some of the brackets are left over from my previous cover letter and I’m not sure what to put in its place.
Thanks for the help!
Dear [Mr/s. Last Name]:
Please accept my letter and resume for the position of [ ]. I have reviewed the job description as advertised and am enthusiastic about the prospect of employment. I believe that my combination of management, teaching, and performance experience will help me to become a productive member of your company.
What I’ve done:
My background consists of work in management, education, and music performance. I have held three managerial positions. With these positions I gained experience in customer service and leadership, sales and promotions, employee scheduling and bookkeeping, and merchandising. I have six years experience as an educator. As an educator I gained experience in motivating students, researching and creating lesson material, evaluating student progress while communicating that progress to students and parents, and promoting instructional services. I have twelve years experience in music performance. As a performer I gained experience in negotiating contracts, working with agencies, accommodating customers, and public performance. This background shows my ability to both adapt to and communicate in various work environments.
What you can expect of me:
I have every confidence that I can be a productive member of your company. First, as a manager I communicate with company owners and management, employees, and customers to understand company needs and process solutions [with regards] such as employee scheduling and training, and promotions. I strive to create a positive and productive environment while maintaining balance between employee productivity and realistic expectations. Secondly, as a teacher I strive to maintain awareness of my students learning needs and to be a motivator, resulting in improved student outcomes. Thirdly, as a performer, I know the value of preparedness. I seek opportunities and to use my skills and can be ready to deliver on very short notice. Therefore, you can be sure that I will provide your company with competent and reliable [instruction on which students can rely.]
I appreciate your review of my credentials and experience. I welcome an interview to discuss this position further and can be reached at 832.818.8584, or by e-mail at crabtreerr@gmail.com. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Also, I’m taking out:
What I’ve done:
&
What you can expect of me:
These were only there for me to spark thoughts
One of my goals was to make it very linear. I didnt want to use much commas and punctuation that would slow the reader – out of courtasy.
Best answer:
Answer by Striving for the best
First para: Please accept my application for the position of [Title of the vacant job position]…
Third para: There is no need to include [with regards] continue as “such as promotions, employee scheduling and training.
Third para: The sentence – I seek opportunities and to use my skills and can be ready to deliver on very short notice. Should be re-written as:
“I seek opportunities to use my skills and am ready to deliver on very short notice.”
Third para: Use this [knowledge on which students can rely.] instead of [instruction on which students can rely.]
Include: Enclosure: Resume
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