Q&A: My Dating Paradox. Date and Be Unhappy? Or Choose Celibacy and The Peace Within?
Question by TheOfficialMan: My Dating Paradox. Date and Be Unhappy? Or Choose Celibacy and The Peace Within?
Okay. I’m a 26 year old virgin who has never been considered attractive, or even approachable until lately. Having earned my masters, lost over 200 pounds in a year and a half, recently received job promotions which put my income into the 6 figures bracket, and finally feeling good about myself and all my quirks, women are starting to gravitate towards me…which is great…or would’ve been great YEARS ago when I wanted the attention.
What helped me succeed was accepting how things are and/or would be, and that included being single. Having gone through so much hardship in my teens and early 20’s (loneliness, poverty, domestic issues) to scratch my way to a very prosperous life, I was/am determined never to “jump through hoops” or “bend over backwards” for anyone who didn’t contribute to me in the same way I was willing to do so for them. And that is how relationships work. Me being the man, the “horny hunter”, I am supposed to go through all sorts of drama to “bag” myself women. If successful whether or not they choose to actively participate or just sit back and enjoy is up to them, but it’s clear that I’m the only one REALLY expected to deliver (I’m not a rapist and they don’t have to have sex with me to benefit from the relationship, so whether sex happens is up to them. If I don’t provide for their “needs”, they are encouraged to leave me or demand more.)
Then on top of that, never having dated, I feel like I couldn’t enjoy a woman’s company because 1. As the most recent guy she’s been with (plus I’m assuming I’m dating women at least my age), I’m “paying more for less” than the last guy (who paid more for less than the guy before that, etc…) in the sense that I have to be funnier, be accommodating, be wealthier, etc…while getting less of what I want because she’s “been there and done that” regarding sex so nothing is left to enjoy for her. Sex is boring, therefore she doesn’t want any or only wants excruciatingly infrequent amounts.
2. Never having had a girlfriend before, I feel like I’m not getting a clean ‘slate’,where I feel I couldn’t put my mouth on her without tasting the residue of every man she’s been with. And because it’s rude to ask “how many men did you have in your face…?” I’d never know, or I’d ask and they’d give me a “conservative estimate” at best, so I would have to assume the worst. And 3. (aka The Kicker) the only point in my life when women find me attractive is when they have a) fiscal issues b) child issues c) health and disease issues d) image issues e) age issues (are so much older than I).
This scenario feels like being the last one invited to the party, where the party started at 7pm and my invitation said to show up at 3 or 4pm. All the food is cold and stale, the music’s stopped, no one wants to really dance but rather go to bed, and I’m as eager to have fun as if things had just gotten started but not willing to put up with what’s been left for me.
Clearly, I’m incredibly fastidious but you have to be to know exactly what you want in life…but lifelong loneliness is a difficult pill to swallow. But then again, I’d rather be lonely for as long as I live than be with someone who tells me she doesn’t “do” ________ (enter sexual activity) whereas she used to _________ (enter sexual activity) better and more often than anyone in her graduating class at college, especially after I’ve spent so much time, energy and money trying to make her feel special. And especially after I’ve spent so much time alone and having worked so hard with so little help getting here only to end up falling in love with someone who’s only in it for the money, get married, and a year or two later she divorces me and gets half my assets (because it’s considered ‘rude’ to ask the woman to sign the prenuptial agreement and would only end up ruining the relationship.)
This is obviously less of a question and more of a rant…This is something I’ll have to deal with, for better or worse…
But what’s your opinion?
Good points.
I guess my disposition is similar to a kid who had never been invited to play in the local rec. center’s basketball game because I was so awful. Throw on top of that, the kids playing went out of their way to let me know I sucked at more than just basketball. As a result, I made it my priority to work as hard as I could so I could not only improve my “game” but be better than the kids who didn’t let me play. Now -a-days, I’m not only an excellent basketball player, but I own several courts and have extensive B2B interests. Adults, once those rude kids, are now knocking on my office door asking for positions in my company.
My biggest hangup is allowing individuals access to the fruits of the kind of labor they not only refused to be apart of but made sure to make more difficult to deal with-Years later, their only reason for contacting me being personal issues they can’t handle. If not for fading looks and growing debts, they’d still be attached to their “type” of guy.
Best answer:
Answer by lushis
whats my opinion?.. GET SOME HELP! quickly
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