Freeloading 18 yr old son-Time to leave the nest?
Question by redkatflorida: Freeloading 18 yr old son-Time to leave the nest?
We have 2 Son’s ages 14 & 18 1/2. We are having a situation with our 18 1/2 year old Son. He got tired of school back in 2006 when he was 16, and it was fight to get him to go to his classes. He quit and we made him get his GED right away and told him that if he wasn’t going to go to college then he would have to get a job. We didn’t want him bumming around. Well, he has worked all of 4 months in the last 2 yrs. He is out all night, sleeps all day, and plays around like he’s still a carefree kid. He is a very talented musician in a band (not making money yet) and he has alot of potential but NO motivation to get things on his own (work for them). His friends buy him cigarettes & food. His girlfriend drives him everywhere. He doesn’t have a car, no license, and he refuses to walk or ride a bike to find work. Says all of his friends parents buy their kids cars, pays for their college, etc. We have dangled numerous carrots in front of him to try to motivate him (what we can afford-since we are poor), including finding him a job where I worked so he could drive with me. It lasted 2 weeks before he didn’t like it anymore. We have tried the opposite too, by cancelling his cell phone that we were paying for and getting a land line for everyone instead (cheaper), but he always seems to adapt no matter what boundaries we set or what we take away. He see’s us work & he see’s us share one old car and my Husband rides a bike & bus to work (for the last 3 years). He watches us struggle and he continues to act like he’s entitled & selfish. We wouldn’t mind him staying if he would grow up, contribute, and not be a mooch. I have been a bit more understanding (because of him being a musician & trying to support him on a creative level) but my Husband has been fed up for over a year & are tired of talking about it with him. We both are now on the same page & decided to take a stand on it. This is the contract we came up with below. We have all signed it. He doesn’t seem to be taking it too seriously as of yet, since he is still sleeping now at 3:30pm. Has anyone ever had this situation? Have you tried something similar and did it work? Do you think this is fair?
I ____________ agree to do the following:
1) Find & Get a paid job (looking doesn’t count-must be working by deadline).
2) Be respectful & courteous to others living under this roof.
3) Clean up completely after self & friends.
4) Keep back porch clear of cigarette butts, cups, food, soda cans, etc.
5) Keep own room & house clear of soda cans, cups, food, etc.
6) Follow rules of house.
7) Help without arguing or ignoring when asked to do things around the house, such as cleaning cat box, taking out trash, bringing up trash cans, etc. from time to time.
8) When paychecks start coming, give $ 25.00 a week to Mom & Dad to put in account to be held until we move or you move out. If you abide by the rules above all the money will be given back to you at that time above. If you do not abide by the rules at certain times then everytime a rule is broken and we have to clean up after you or listen to rudeness or disrespect then portions of the money will be deducted at our discretion. (example 1: you take Moms soda because you drank all of yours-you will be charged and the money will come out of the money saved) (example 2: you decide to make a mess & not clean up after yourself in your room, porch, livingroom, computer area, kitchen, etc. – I will charge a clean-up fee to be taken from the money saved) The amount you save will be up to you and your attitude.
__________________________________
If the 8 requirements are met you will be on your way to gaining independence, earning respect, becoming mature, & saving money.
__________________________________
On the other hand, if these 8 requirements are not met and kept up with by Saturday Oct 4th, 2008, you must pack your things up and move out. If there is an argument at that time we will move things out to the front yard & change locks if need be.
Signed by ________________________ Date ____
Son
Signed by ________________________ Date ____
Mom
Signed by ________________________ Date ____
Dad
Best answer:
Answer by ViolinMaster#1
Why do need a contract for a family? You have a problem, a big one. WOW, i thought my parents were strict. Then again, i don’t have the same problem as your son. I actually go to school and (most of the time) clean up after myself. Plus i dont smoke
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