Q&A: What should i tell (or do) to my bandmates?

Question by dinkotddr: What should i tell (or do) to my bandmates?
ok so i have a band, and we’re still starting, not even 1 year.
we’ve also just finished our 1st mini-album (in indie way), and also building Myspace, Friendster. however, still not large following (it can perhaps due to my sucky music industry scene here, and very low purchasing power and rampant piracy).
I am the one who’ve formed the concept & vision for the band, initially. and i’m usually also the one who compose most music & lyrics, and even also arrange (i can also compose & arrange symphonic & orchestral, techno pieces of music, while my other bandmates are only limited to basically just being the ‘player’ in the band. and when they try to compose, it’s usually me who needs to ‘correct’ it also.).

at first, we’ve started quite ambitious and seems like having ‘one’ same vision..but unfortunately, the more we play together and get to know each other closer, the more it became apparent the differences between me and the rest of my band members (4 of them. i’m in keyboard). the sad truth is almost everybody can see that my bandmates are lacking talents, except me. even in one big local band competition, one grand jury secretly told me that i’m the only one who can be ‘competitive’ , while my other bandmates (including vocalist) need to “learn & improve more”.
this is still not to mention that i’m having some problems with my bandmates’ attitude: they often deny & defend themselves, and hard to admit mistake and accept constructive criticisms, while keep making excuses, even sometimes accusing me of being “way too dominant”.
one of the band members even told me indirectly if “there’s anyONE in the band who’s leaving this ‘family’ , and thus make the band in trouble, then i’ll never want to see or befriend with that ONE person anymore!”
some of my friends have even told me that this is such an ‘immature’ comment made by my bandmate, that shows more how ‘clingy’ (they’re clinging to my ‘rare’ music talent) and desperate he is..
this all really hurts my feelings, and it made me down.
this is still not to mention that they also depend on me too much on money, resources, transportation, and even my quite-natural promoting/marketing skill (& even the amount of HARDWORKS i’ve done to the band!) . and furthermore, each of bandmates also has his/her own idealistic musical-taste, that makes them hate if i ‘seem’ to be the one who wants them to follow my lead & vision. not as ‘one’ vision anymore as originally i’ve had in my mind about my band.. it’s so inevitable.
so ironically, the more i’m with them,.the more i feel like they’re clinging to me, and also, that i’m kinda ‘limited’ in my position to do what i’m very very capable of.

But just in this recent month, a really really BIG and unexpected opportunity that will turn my life completely around has come to me. basically, a very famous music animation studio & producer from overseas (ie: japan) has seen my ‘rare’ musical talent, so they said.
i’ve taken care all the details, and all what’s left is just for me to leave.
the problem is: i just don’t know what to tell (or do) to my bandmates?
ie: what’s the most rational & sensible thing to do, without hurting their feelings?
especially if they’re lacking talents, but they have such very strong dreams (& i’m sure if i told them about this very BIG opportunity coming from overseas, they’ll try to ‘cling’ to me even more).
i’m just so confused… at one point, i’m so scared to hurt their (my bandmates’ feelings). but at other point, many have told me that sometimes i need to be ‘selfish’ and MOVE ON with my life, for a better future.
but the problem is, i’m really “too nice” as a person, that indeed sometimes i feel that’s why people can take advantage easily of me.. my dad has even told me boldly that i’m stupid, because according to him, my bandmates have ‘taken advantage’ of me and my talents and my resources.
i really need a strong and practical suggestion here.
thanks.

Best answer:

Answer by sphinx
what you should do is… first of all stop being so caring and worried about them…
you know that they are using you and taking advantage of you.. so please ask them to chuck off and go to hell…
tell them that they would not listen to what you’ve got to say… you have used so many of your resources that its getting quite expensive….(indirect way to let them know that they aren’t using their money and stuff.. and if they say that they also use their resources and money.. then just roll your eyes and sarcastically say yeah, right!.. they’ll get your point..)

you have talent and now this opportunity.. don’t miss it.. its another chance for you to break the band and find new talented people who’d share the same vision as yours….

as such you don’t rely on them for money, talent or anything.. so just say.. ‘sorry i can’t take it any more! i had enough of it’ and then go for the japanese thing… who knows you’d get more opportunities like this…. and you’d be a star…

and being with people who are more like you would help you being in limelight sooner… these people are just pulling you behind.. like this you cannot grow… and you tried to help them and cooperated.. but they had thier big ego and would not listen to you.. so tell them that ‘you’d prefer to not to work with anyone right now’…(and anyone only meant them.. those selfish people who are using you!! and then say yes, for the animation.. japanese man…. and start your career..)

good luck…..

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