Would you sign a Performance Contract?
Question by Self Love Hammer: Would you sign a Performance Contract?
As some in this forum may recall, last Friday was the #21 wedding anniversary for me and my little love-chicken. Things were going great. I gave her the new vacuum cleaner and we were just finishing dinner at the Steak ‘n Shake and BAM! she hits me with a
Marriage Performance Contract
I’ll spare you the legalese, but in return for staying married to me she has for certain concessions. A small sample:
In lovemaking
~ I must allow her to ‘finish first’ at least once per month.
~ At the moment of my satisfaction, I must refrain from shouting my own name.
~ When wearing the dog suit, I must bark.
~ When she says, ‘Hammer, take off my dress. Now, take off my bra and panties. She means DON’T wear them again.
When in the public market, I will cease and desist holding large cucumbers and/or salamis near my midsection and loudly stating, ‘now that would certainly work for you, now wouldn’t it.’
There are other childish limitations like how many times per month she will cut the grass, clean up stuff I spilled, etc, etc.
I can tell she put a little thought into this but my brother Morris says this is impossible to live up to.
Would you sign this?
Which items should I negotiate?
Best answer:
Answer by LeeH
I love Steak n Shake! I miss Chicago!
Oooh, and Portillos Hot Dogs!
I’m so hungry….what was the question?
Oh yes, sign it. But I wouldn’t agree to the barking.
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