I’m a mess, someone please help me, how do I succeed?

Question by Kellie: I’m a mess, someone please help me, how do I succeed?
I’m having a terrible problem getting things going in my life…
It doesn’t feel so bad on some days but on others it’s unbearable… like whenever I’m around my brother… or friends… or anybody who has anything going for them at all…
I just turned 20 and I recently realized that it’s time to have my own life.
See, up until now there’s not really been much point. I’d been attending school and just working and just kind of going with the flow of life…
Well, I don’t have much to show for it. I attended an online university so I could still work where I working and it turned out that something got screwed up with my transcripts and they’re holding them due to a big mix up with an identity theft problem… so now the entire year and a half of school that I’ve done is utterly useless and I can’t transfer to a new college. I have to start over as a freshman!
I also don’t even have a job anymore. Our hours got cut and so I got kicked to the curb and I’ve been out of a job since.
I’ve failed at every interview I’ve been on…
I am single… it didn’t bother me at first but I guess when I lost the job it kind of hit me that I have like nothing going for me at all.
I have no car (which wasn’t a big deal when I had a job since I could just walk to work from my house).
I’m also out of money (as of today, I have $ 25 to speak of… period).
I live in my parents house and I just feel like I am forced to rely on everyone for everything!!!
I want to be my own person. I don’t want to have to rely on him for things anymore and my mom and I really, really don’t get along (she’s a perfectionist… I’m not her idea of perfection, I guess).
My brother, on the other hand is this shinning example! He’s basically perfect and my whole family and all of our peers know it.
He can play amazing music to the likes of which I don’t know if I ever will (it just comes so naturally to him…), he’s funny, he’s charismatic, he’s got a pretty girlfriend (who is soon to be his fiance it looks like) who’s “successful”, everyone LOVES him, he’s considered a saint by everyone who’s known him for more than five minutes, he drives a nice car, he’s completely debt free, he’s got an AMAZING job and he just got a promotion and a raise… did I mention he’s only 22? He just got a grant by his work to pay for his college so he JUST started this semester even though his life is basically already set… the doors are never closed for him… I mean, if he were to quit tomorrow, grab a guitar or something and start touring the country with no plan whatsoever, I bet you anything that this time next year he’d have a record deal be making music videos on tv… his life is perfect.
And I’m not saying that he’s pretending or anything. In fact, I have many many more wonderful things that I could say about him. I love him dearly and he really is one of the most amazing, inspirational people I’ve ever known… it’s just so hard to compare to him.
Everyone expects him to be amazing and effortlessly but I (the one who has actually tried and worked to be successful in life) feel like nothing. I feel like I climb the ladder only to have someone push me right back off…
What’s worse is this job search is getting harder and harder. I live in such a small location and jobs are very scarce here because everyone’s holding on to them.
I just feel like I’ve been dealt the short straw or something…
On top of that, due to the college situation mentioned above, I can’t have any financial aid either so getting back into school at this time is literally impossible for me…

I tried to let it roll of my shoulders and just get on with myself but oh my gosh, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so frustrated with nearly everything…

I mean, I have talents, I have things that I’m good at and dreams (I want to be a writer and director. I also want to own my own clothing company)… but it just feels so hopeless right now. I have no money or even a small lead of where to look for an opportunity… I just feel so… useless especially when my brother and I are in the same room with one another and especially when my mother has anything to say about it…
I want someone to be proud of me finally.
I don’t want to be a doormat anymore.
I don’t want to be a mooch with no value anymore…
I want someone to say something about me other than “you’re a pretty face” or “I love your sense of fashion”…. these things are not important, especially when you’re only known as “(my brother’s name)’s little sister who dresses so pretty”… I’m sick of it.
I want to be a real person…
I honestly hate who I am today.

Best answer:

Answer by DM
Hi Kellie, I feel sad that you feel sooooo sad right now. First you need to know that life is BIG and there is so much you can do for yourself.
I suggest two things right away- first, volunteer somewhere close to home- maybe a local play for kids and get some real life experience to put on a resume. And write- commit to writing 1 hour per day. You have the time right now and you can look for an on line writers club or government grant to help pursue this part of your dream. Check your local literacy group and see if there is a writing group/circle to join. These things are solid goals towards your desires in life.
Your brother is on his own path and maybe he’ll be “successful” early on- be happy for him and know your time is your own and your path is yours. Everyone is different.
Keep putting your resume out- it’s tough right now so don’t let any rejection put you down. There are LOTS of very well qualified people looking for work.
Another thing you can consider is volunteering somewhere like Habitat for Humanity. That will get you out of your house for a time and give you more experience. It will also help you meet a lot of good people that you can stay connected with later. Or go help build a water well for those who need it. These things will get you out of your parents house and after a certain timeframe you’ll be eligible for financial aid.
Dream big. Make a 5 year plan and start by taking one step in the right direction for YOUR big adventure! Good luck sweetie! Make it happen.

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